Dos and don’ts of buying sex toys while on vacation
THELike it or not, we have entered the annual season of seasonal giveaways. Hanukkah begins on Sunday, December 2. St. Nick’s follows Thursday, December 6 (leave your shoes on the night of the 5). The next stop is the winter solstice on Friday December 21. And then we close the traditional festivals of gifts with Christmas on Tuesday, December 25. Basically, if you have a romantic partner in your life, you’re probably going to be doing some shopping pretty soon.
Each year, Tool Shed staff spend about six weeks helping people navigate the fun, but sometimes tricky, adventure of buying sex toys for another person. Giving overtly sexy gifts has a label of its own. There are some obvious things (like not giving an acquaintance a set of vibrating nipple clamps) that are common sense. But there are also some less obvious things. Read on for some important dos and don’ts from Tool Shed staff…
Not limit yourself to obvious sex toys i.e. dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, etc. Shy or modest people may shrink from such a blatant gift. You may also find that a person is just not interested in owning or using a sex toy. And if you’re in a new relationship, getting a sex toy out of the blue can seem like a lot of pressure.
Do remember how many different ways there are to be sexy. Stephanie, TS staff member, says: “For my sister, I received soap and socks with a gift card. This encouraged her to come back to the store and shop for herself. Massage oil, books, underwear, and Truth or Dare games are also fun ideas.
Not just buy the most expensive vibrator you can find. You wouldn’t believe how often this happens! A customer will walk into the store, briefly browse, and choose a vibrator in the price range of $ 179 to $ 219. Sometimes they will ask, “So, is this the best? And we will try to explain that there is no better vibrator for everyone. It’s a very individual thing. But because our culture equates cost with quality, they still buy the toy.
Do choose a toy that is safe and reliable on the body, but which will also please your partner. Different things are important to different people. Some people like the vibrations, while others find them distracting or boring. Some people want something small and inconspicuous, but some people think the bigger the better. Even color can make or break someone’s relationship with a sex toy.
Not buy a sex toy to fulfill your own fantasy, especially if you have never discussed it with your partner. For example, TS staffer Ashe said, “Unless you’ve had a few conversations with your partner about anal play, don’t surprise your partner with an anal toy. This is also true for BDSM-related gifts like paddles, masks, and bondage supplies. New items for activities you’ve never talked about before may look less like a special treat than an ambush.
Do choose a toy based on what you know about your partner’s pleasure and their previous experience with sex toys. If you’ve both got your eye on something, but held back because it seemed too extravagant for a random June Tuesday, now’s a great time to pick it up. Kayla, TS staff member, adds, “If you haven’t tried mojouupgrade.com, this can be a great and somewhat subtle way to come up with a new gift idea that both of you will enjoy. This website allows you and a sex partner to choose what you both want or desire and then emails you areas where you overlap.
Not assume that you will be able to participate in the use of the sex toy. If it’s a gift, it’s up to the recipient to decide how they’re going to use it. Before you buy something, ask yourself who will really benefit from the gift. If you want to give your boyfriend a cock ring to make his erection last longer, talk about it in advance. If you’re dying to use a vibrator on your girlfriend because you want to see her reaction, be frank about it.
Do give a gift because you want your partner to be happy and have tools to make it easier. While there are certainly toys designed for couples to use together, the gifts should be things that will bring joy to the recipient.
Not Use gifts as a joke or to intentionally embarrass someone. As Kayla aptly puts it, “Avoid gagging gifts or gifts designed as a prank. They might sound funny back then, but the money you spent could be used for a gift they will certainly appreciate, without all the stigma and shame that surrounds it. Consider buying a hilarious card or fun wrapping paper instead, and make the gift meaningful or practical.
Do pick up supplies and accessories to help the recipient enjoy the gift. It could mean batteries, lubricant, a lockable toy box, or an instruction book. Consider refilling refillable toys so that they are ready to come out of the wrapping paper. Make sure you know how to clean and maintain the toys, and share this information when giving the gift.
Curious about cunnilingus? Anxious about anal? Do you have questions about queefs or prostate problems? Lucky Tomaszek is the education coordinator at The tool shed: an erotic shop, Milwaukee’s only mission and education focused sex toy store. Email him at [email protected] and it will come back to you with an answer.